Screaming (hers) and crying (mine)

Yes, I’m blogging again today. Mostly because Ramona decided she wanted to sleep around the time I was going to take her out for a walk and try and sort us out for a bit with some fresh air and exercise. The walk has been postponed until she wakes up from her nap and I can take her to the park and pop her on the swings for a bit.

I’ve been doing some Googlechondric type research on the screaming thing. I would ask the health visitor but when Ramona was a colicky four week old she took three days to get back to us to say “oh, yeah… um… maybe baby massage?” and I have faith in my own ability to Find Stuff Out about my baby.

Part of the problem is that you search for ‘screaming’ and get ‘crying’. She’s not crying. She’s not even upset half the time. She’ll be sitting playing and will suddenly just shriek. She’ll be smiling, cooing and babbling happily then stand still and scream, over and over. No tears, no warning, no indication (reaching, signing, body language) that she actually wants anything. It comes and goes without warning or apparent reason. But there’s always a reason… right?

I do have a theory that it’s partly teething related, and it must be frustrating for her to have been teething since she was about three months old and still not to have a single tooth to show for it. A little Anbesol liquid can help, but not always. And I don’t know whether it’s a case of screaming = teething or if that’s just an extra factor that doesn’t help.

One of the reasons I think it might be tooth-related is that she’s just started refusing to eat properly. She weaned quite early and has always been a decent eater, following a pattern of small breakfast, medium lunch, hearty dinner and enjoying fruit and yogurt snacks. But now it’s no breakfast, infinitesimal lunch and snacks but, bizarrely, decent dinner. I think her tummy has also been bugging her as she’s alternately strained then filled nappies copiously, and I know tummy upsets can go hand in hand with teething.

Some people have suggested when babies do this they’re just ‘finding their voice’ but if so I rather hope she’ll misplace it again and get back to the lovely ‘ma-ba-da-ta’ noises she was making before. My ears are actually hurting from the onslaught.

It might also be ‘look what I can do’. She’s been making funny faces and hissing noises for the last week, a bit of a cat-like ‘ssssss’ that makes us all laugh, her included. So there’s no reason why the screaming can’t be part of that kind of experimentation too.

I’d say it was for attention, but she’ll do it right in the middle of my singing or playing or something else that’s totally focussed on her and that she’s otherwise hugely enjoying. I can’t be consistent about ignoring it, because I can’t ignore it in public, but a couple of times I’ve just stopped what we’re doing and sat her down with some toys. After a bit she’ll just play quietly for a few minutes, and then grizzle for attention for real. So I might continue trying that for a while.

I’m guessing it also doesn’t help that she hasn’t yet figured out how to pull herself upright using just the furniture (if you hold out a hand, she can). She also struggles with pulling herself into a sitting position and hates being on all fours – that’s why she won’t crawl, though we do try to get her to play on her tummy when she’s cheerful so that she can develop the necessary arm / neck strength to move herself around more.

In the meantime, I admit I’m struggling. I’m relying on Mum’s help more than before, and passing Ramona to Ashley when he gets home so that I can have half an hour to myself. I haven’t had time to run properly for a week or so (or rather  I haven’t had the energy), which is why I want to get a good, brisk walk in today. I might have to start going first thing, before Ash leaves for work, as I think the exercise will keep me sane and God knows I could do with being fitter to keep up with her.

I’ve had a couple of moments in the last few days where I have just broken down and cried. Poor Ramona got quite upset seeing me lose my smile, which happens so rarely in front of her. But despite being surrounded by mums I simply don’t know any others at the moment who have had a child that did this. It’s only thanks to the wonders of the Internet that I know I’m not alone. I can’t meet up with other mums and get Ramona distracted playing with another child because if she screams (and she will) they’re bound to worry about their children getting distressed – I guess I would. I also can’t help thinking they’ll judge me and assume it’s something about my parenting that’s caused it.

After all, I wonder myself, at my lowest moments.

So altogether my confidence as a parent isn’t exactly soaring at the minute. As if to balance it out, I’m doing other things like finally going back to my long-neglected Monster Book, and flicking through Twitter to keep up with work news and friendly gossip.

Right now, though, I think I’m going to put this aside and take my cue from Ramona; it’s nap time.

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6 responses to “Screaming (hers) and crying (mine)

  1. I’ll start off by saying Im really no expert, but I have had 6 children. The eldest was a perfect baby, didnt crawl or bottom shuffle, just went from sitting to standing to walking, and was walking by 10 months confidently. Baby #2 was 10lbs at birth, and grew and grew. She was only breast fed but was 2 stone by 9months. She was a bottom shuffler, Im guessing because of her weight,which she grew in to (and is certainly not overweight now at 14!). Baby #3 crawled..(skip a few babies lol)..and it wasnt until baby #5 I got a screamer! No rhyme or reason for it, just whenever the mood took him he would let out a shriek / scream. It was the sort of noise that turned a supermarket into complete silence, stopped conversations, drew squinted looks from anyone within 1000m, I could go on but I think you get the picture! I think I was lucky in the fact I had already got a brood and so the noise itself didnt bother me, but it certainly bothered others in hearing distance. Of course it is just a phase the baby goes through, it really is true every child is different! Try not to put yourself under any more pressure than you are already under. Being a new mum is so difficult, and I personally think todays society has made us forget our own instincts and rely on professionals and others rather than what our own heads are saying! You are doing a great job! Its difficult for you because the noise itself is bothering you, but dont let anything else worry you! Dont worry what other people think! All that matters is you have a happy healthy baby (who is very gorgeous!!) I think you need to try and find a way for you to deal with the noise, as I think once you get over that, things will be easier for you!! Sending (((HUGS))) to you! xx

    • If 6 kids doesn’t qualify you for some sort of parenting expertise, what does?!

      I really appreciate this comment; makes me feel a lot more normal and human. You’re right, it is the noise which is piercing! I can’t help noticing people stopping and staring but Ash always says either they’re parents and understand or they’re not so they’re irrelevant! I’m trying to see it that way too.

      Thank you so much for this. Along with a scream-free walk in the park, it’s made me feel much better. 🙂

  2. That must be really difficult to cope, Alex. Especially not knowing when it’s coming or what’s it’s all about. I hope it’s a short-lived phase. I’m sure it’s no reflection on you, though — but things can seem very bleak without enough sleep, so hope you had a good nap. x

  3. snorkingKatZ

    I would think a random seemingly unrelated-to-anything scream is just a thing to do. A heart-stopping, ear-splitting, mama-crazy-making thing to do. Knowing when you need a break from your young’un is, to me, one of the more important parenting skills.

    I would guess if you take her around other children and just prep their parents for the possibility/likelihood that Ramona is going to go cattledog shrieky every so often, you might be less worried. If she freaks out their kids, they can (assuming they’re basically decent humans) say, “She does that sometimes and she’s very young so she doesn’t understand how much it hurts your ears. You can play over here for a while.” Or some other comfort. If you’re outside and close to a train station, I’m sure she’ll be far less noticeable.

    As Diane said, a good nap is magic. For everyone!

    • Maybe I need to bite the bullet and do that. The last experience was not good… lots of “oh, my kid is afraid of loud noises” (kid looked fine to me) and a “you’re so brave; I couldn’t deal with that” as if I had a freaking choice!

      Maybe we should go hang out by some train stations. 😉

      x

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