Every so often there’s some sort of awful bullying campaign online that makes me wince at the honking great downside to all this instant, often anonymous communication. I could no longer get by happily without the Internet: it’s the hub of my friendships, the focus of my livelihood, a massive convenience that I mostly love. But there is this horrible pit of nastiness that rears its head every so often, and gets me thinking about how we should deal with it.
It’s often said ‘don’t feed the trolls’. And as a community manager, I do believe in that. But there’s a context to it, and a limit.
A troll is generally someone who invades another’s space in order to post inflammatory comments. I’ve had it once or twice on dog-related fora, where someone’s come along to say something indisputably outrageous like ‘all dogs should be put down’ and is promptly dealt with. Communities are getting pretty smart and most people will just ignore them and report them to the moderators, who can remove or shut down the posts as necessary; I think this is one of the few areas where no-one really argues with deletion, as it’s not shutting down a debate, it’s getting rid of something which is there just to upset and annoy. But what about those cases where Facebook groups are set up to bully some poor kid, or someone creates a thread on their own website ripping someone they disagree with to shreds? What about when it goes beyond a few needles in the haystack and becomes a big, scary juggernaut of threats, insults and intimidation? Should you just brush it off as a hazard of the Internet, maybe report it to the mods / hosts / site owners and keep quiet in case the bullies realise they’re getting to you? But that provides the bullies an outlet without also giving the victim a voice. It doesn’t seem fair.
Because the thing about ‘don’t feed the trolls’ that gets my goat is that it demands that you take responsibility for someone else’s poor behaviour. If you respond to someone else’s inflammatory drivel, it somehow becomes your fault for encouraging them, even though the decision to behave appallingly was theirs in the first place. There are times when it is just easier – perhaps even sensible – to say ‘fine, I’ll ignore them, block them, and they’ll go away and everyone will forget about it’. In the case of the one-off troll who comes in to stir up trouble, it’s the most straightforward moderation route and I would encourage members of a community I was moderating not to engage and to report it immediately so it doesn’t escalate and the troll doesn’t get the oxygen of attention. And it also works away from group discussion spaces; if I was, for example, to get unpleasant comments on this because of the nature of it, I would probably not publish them, because this is my space and I’m under no obligation to give them air time. But to end up feeling like complaining about a dreadful act of bullying then makes further bullying your own fault is simply unspeakable.
I feel there does come a point where so-called trolling needs to be spoken out against, condemned and perhaps even reported to the police. Too often I see people writing posts about how they’ve felt victimised with comments going ‘but it’s not personal to you’, ‘they’re just social inadequates’ and ‘you know by writing this you’re giving them what they want’. And all that might be true, but surely it feels deeply personal to the subject. When someone is being bullied away from the online spaces, we don’t accept the old advice to ignore it anymore; we say tell the teacher, tell your parents, tell, tell, tell. Say it out loud, and they lose their power. Why so different online? What about when it’s adults involved? Just because we’re over eighteen, do we have the capacity to switch off feelings when real nastiness is focussed right at us?
Not feeding the trolls is just another way of saying ‘suck it up’. Sometimes you have to because it’s the best way to remain professional and just make the damn thing go away. But no-one should have to just suck up systematic abuse. Sometimes we need to speak up, and I’m admiring of anyone who has the guts to do that.
If you’re a young person reading this and need impartial advice on dealing with bullying, know that there are organisations out there that can help you. Like this one.
I couldn’t agree more. I’ve been attacked a few times now online (and by that I mean really nasty, personal stuff that is clearly being written for no other reason than to cause hurt, not just people disagreeing or being “negative”), and every time I’ve spoken about it or responded to it I’ve had emails and comments from people criticising me for “rising to it”, “giving them what they want”, “being as bad as them” etc. It always really puzzles me, because having been badly bullied as a child, I can testify that “just ignoring it” DOESN’T always make bullies stop, and words most definitely DO hurt sometimes. Honestly, the hardest thing about dealing with trolls for me is this unwritten rule that says bloggers (or I guess community managers or whatever) are not allowed to react to it in any way or even to allude to it without being branded “unprofessional”.
From the reactions I’ve had when I’ve been trolled myself, and the reactions I’ve witnessed when it has happened to other people, I’ve always been left feeling like bloggers are supposed to be almost inhuman: totally lacking in emotion, impervious to every attack on us, and almost Christ-like in our ability to turn the other cheek. I’ve always felt that to be very unfair: not just because when you’re attacked, your instinct as a human being is to defend yourself, but because I think it somehow “normalises” the bullying behaviour by pushing the blame onto the victim. I am constantly told that “if you put it out there, you have to expect this” (“this” being the personal abuse that trolls like to dish out), but I’ve never really understood why that should be the case. Sure, I expect disagreement or even negative commentary, but actual abuse? I shouldn’t have to “expect” that, and when people tell me to ignore it or not speak about it I always feel like the trolls have won: they’ve been allowed to abuse me, but I’ve NOT been allowed to defend myself. And I think speaking up, even if it’s just to say, “This kind of behaviour isn’t acceptable,” is sometimes the right thing to do.
Clearly this post touched a nerve 🙂 Sorry for taking over your comments box!
Please don’t apologise, I love comments like this that have something interesting to say (and even better for me that you agree!). I was lucky enough to have a relatively bully-free childhood, but my husband wasn’t, and don’t we always tell children that it doesn’t stop until you say something? Why should that change as an adult?
I totally agree with what you say about it pushing it onto you. It’s like they win twice over otherwise – they get to insult you AND silence you in one go. And while I can say “okay, putting myself out there is asking for interaction, and maybe disagreement” I don’t believe it’s inviting abuse. Otherwise why bother having laws against abuse and assault in the street? I mean, you were putting yourself out there by leaving the house this morning, right…?
I’ve just seen one too many nasty cases to be able to swallow the usual ‘professional’ line for every case. Like I say I think there are times that a dignified silence is appropriate, but not always.
Oh my God, I just saw the length of that comment! Eeek! Sorry!
[…] for dealing with trolls when ‘not feeding’ doesn’t work (and I always think ignoring it is somehow pretty unfair […]